i was older
lately i have been thinking about my childhood and seeing my therapist more consistently than my best friend. the irony of this is that little me didn’t have any friends. i processed the things i was going through alone and assumed that most people had it as bad as i did. when i see little kids at 4, 5, 6, i catch myself thinking “there’s no way they’re that age, they look so much younger!” and i feel my stomach sink realizing i looked that little when i was enduring neglect and abuse. they don’t look younger. i thought i was older. and i could never look a 5 year old in the face and scream at them. i could never care for a small child and tell them it’s normal to sleep on the couch, to never have privacy, to never feel clean. i could never let a child’s life fall apart and tell them it’s their own fault.